I’m not going to use this blog to lecture anyone on what words they should use or how they should use them. However, I do have a few thoughts I’d like to share.

On the one hand, “retard” is really only a word, defined in the Oxford dictionary as “make slow or late, delay progress or development or arrival or accomplishment or happening of; backward in mental or physical development”. This is a fair assessment. When used in practical terms, Nicole is mentally retarded. Her disability does slow down her development.

For me, the issue isn’t the use of the word retard, it’s the connotation that being mentally retarded or developmentally disabled automatically makes you ignorant, mindless or an idiot. Having a mental disability doesn’t make you any of these things. I’ve known a lot of “normal” people for whom the word retarded, if I used it that way, would be completely appropriate. Nicole is certainly less ignorant and less of an idiot than all of them.

The mother in me knows that Nicole’s road ahead will be a tough one and the last thing she needs is Hollywood affirming that using a word with this connotation to describe people like her is ok. Nicole is a complex package of many parts, just like the rest of us, and deserves to not be defined solely by her disability. I have many parts of my package that I wouldn’t want used to define me.

What surprises me is that no one at DreamWorks predicted that there would be an adverse reaction the use of this word. The communicator in me says that either they obviously didn’t consult their marketing department or I’m a better communicator than those making tons of cash in the film world.

In support of all those with development disabilities, I won’t see the movie. What I hope is that the proposed boycott will make us all a little more sensitive about the words we use.

As Nicole’s grown, I’ve learned to not take the speed of growth for granted. At almost two, Nicole is finally crawling on all fours. She is also just pulling herself up to standing. What I’ve taught myself is to be patient and have faith that she will achieve everything she needs to, eventually.

Then we got her haircut.

In a matter of minutes, her face, and the way I perceive her, transformed. She no longer looks like a baby. And then I realized that while things take a little longer with her, she’s growing up at a crazy speed, too. She’s mastered many sign language words, she says “I got” when she picks something up, she can point to trees, noses, babies and other things when asked. Tonight, while using her hands to say “all done” at dinner, she actually said it out loud. Several times. Like any two-year-old, we may be the only ones who understand her, but for now, that’s all that matters.

We thought you might enjoy this clip, “Go walk for a good cause,” from the Today Show on NBC (aired September 28, 2007), promoting the Walk and why it’s so important.

Thanks to everyone who’s already pledged me or Dave. It’s not too late if you want to donate – just visit our pledge page.

Through Nicole’s therapy, we’ve seen first-hand the benefits of the education, advocacy and research funded by the NDSS. We’ve had lots of ups and downs over the past year, but Nicole’s recent achievements have been especially exciting. Thanks to the support of her amazing therapists, Jane and Robyn, she is:

• Sitting up with increased stability, reaching for and playing with her toys;
• Eating solid food, including many finger foods, and gaining weight;
• Displaying the ability to problem solve by moving in different directions when she can’t reach something;
• Using her hands to speak, mastering the signs for “give me” and “more” and waving goodbye; and
• Saying “bye bye” (which was also Marley’s first word!)

There really are so many developmental stages that we just assume our kids are going to reach. This past year, I’ve learned about how amazing the human body and brain are and how much we take for granted. Nicole will achieve everything she needs in her own time and on her own terms, just like all kids. Her therapy is ensuring she has the strength and the knowledge when she’s ready, and we’re so grateful to have it.

We’ll let you know how the Buddy Walk goes – it’s sure to be a great day!

When I returned from shopping, a rather blunt child care worker immediately launched into a rant about how Nicole is too vulnerable to be left in child care. It seems she needed to be held the whole time so the bigger kids, who were throwing things around, wouldn’t hurt her. Carrying her for 20 minutes is a pain, I agree, but I did ask twice before I left if they could handle having a baby there (sometimes there are just too many kids and they say no).

I was insulted by the worker’s brash approach and felt Nicole was being dicriminated against because she isn’t able to do the same things other 9-month-olds can do. I’m determined to not allow her limitations to change how I will treat her, and I want her to experience all the normal things, like sometimes being separated from me and socializing with other kids.

You may not agree the worker was being discrimnatory. Obviously, I feel she was, but that’s sort of beside the point. The lesson I learned isn’t about about how Nicole will face much discrimination in her lifetime, but rather it’s about how I must learn to deal with it positively and teach my kids to deal with it that way, too. I fumed all the way home, then took a couple of deep breaths and decided to not let it ruin my day. It didn’t seem to bother Nicole, so I’ll try to take my cue from her.